Starry Minded

I'm more interested in Tumblr these days.
www.signaltheskies.tumblr.com
or the other rway around
bababaa

I don't particularily care for this "holiday" nor do i despise it. It's just another day for me. More or less a day where me drowning myself in pounds upon pounds of candy (most chocolate) is acceptable. =] i also want to see that Valentine's Day movie. I'm taking a huge liking to Taylor Swift. At first i didn't like her, but i realized i didn't give her a chance and me and her are a lot alike!



It's been literraly TWO YEARS since i put a picture on my blog. lmao thats terrible. Anyways, this gorgeous girl and me had similar school experiences. We both had like, no friends in middle school. i mean, i had about 5 or 6. she said that girls would get up from the lunch table when she sat there and go somewhere else. thats the most low down thing ever. but im glad she didn't let that memory prevail when she met them a year into her fame and they wanted autographs. for me, during elementary school, i'd just sit where ever and not care if i was sitting alone. at that time, i thought friends were a waste of time and id be better off without them. and i was at that time. but around middle school that changed. i realized i needed friends and i got a few. a lot of aquaintances, and i small select bunch of real friends who i have to this day. ive never experienced girls getting up from the lunch table when i sat there, and if i did i certainly dont remember! lol. i was alone a lot as a child. my mom and stepdad lived with my grandma (along with me) my dad was in Nashville or traveling a lot. the biggest sadness of my life (at the time) came when my mom moved out and tried to take me from my grandma (the woman who helped raise me) i was closer to her, not my mom. i cried all the time and even at school. the last time i cried about it, i remember being over my grandma's house, in my bed, face buried in my pillow and i choked out, "I don't know what to do..." and then things got better when i met my friend Ariel, then Brianna, then Zarenda. Ariel transferred and Zarenda and Brianna went on to be my best friends. we sat next to the "bitches" of the class. the girls that thought they were just so sexy and bad and i was like, "uhm hello? were in 6th grade, get the fuck over your selves." one girl in that bunch hated my freaking guts. wtf? but she transferred thank God. but the biggest sadness came in seventh grade, but i dont want to get into that!

damn lol. my cousin's supposed to be going to this club on a I.D. free night. i want to go if she does. i really wanna club and party right now. also, i kissed Jamal, like twice today. cheatings in the heart people.

I am going to stop being so dependent on friendship. I need to learn to be on my own and not freak out because of that. people like me a lot, it's not like im hated or that "annoying, no-one-likes-you" kid in the class. i've never been that person. ive always be the quiet one with not a lot to say. also the one with that "face" that people wouldn't really make fun but wanted to mess with. i think...

i didn't kiss that guy after school today. he wasnt at the lockers and i had to leave, i didn't feel like waiting around. plus he has basketball or foot ball practice after school that he had to go to, i didnt wanna make him late. our school has a pretty good winning record ya know? xD

i'm getting better at this social thing. i actually jump out of my body for a minute and ask "wow, am i really this quiet?" haha. just gods way to helping my true self to shine. much thanks to you lord.

still gotta my lunges and running to slim these huge thighs down. im doing good with the curls. my arm muscles are coming back. im gonna do sit ups every night too and cut back on how i eat. i actually eat way to much, so im not becoming anorexic or bulimic or anything, trust me. ill eat like, two chicken sandwitchs for absolutely no reason. lmao.

ugh... failed a math test today. i AM actually surprised because i thought i did pretty good... i got 42. fml. geeze i hate that class. i was the last to get done with my test today with about literraly five minutes to spare. i worked my ass of on that test... still failed! man! oh well. i AM going to pass math for this year. i have motivated myself by saying that after i pass math for my junior year, fuck it. im never looking at math again. online college is a different story right now. just fuck math. what the fuck do i need algebra 2 for anyways? finding X is only useful if youre a pirate... lmao on facebook pages, you amuse me so. so yeah, after i pass math for this semester, fuck it. and fuck you too coach Laramie. suck it.

My grading expectations:
Theatre: nothing less than 90
Anatomy: nothing less than 85
Latin I: nothing less than 80
Algebra: nothing less than 75
History: nothing less than 90
English: nothing less than 85

lol. weird how they all lined up. i doing ok in all my other subjects. i need to pull latin and english up although im not failing them. they are both a tiny bit below 80 and that displeases me. i gotta get them up.

i took my final TCAP writing test today. whoo! never have to take that again! the prompt couldnt have been more gay. "do we agree or disagree that teachers should have guns to protect themselves and their students from harm" i said yes. lmao. everyone else said no i bet. i just thought it would be a good idea but im not serious. lmao. thats illegal anwyay. stupid fucking school board. someone run Kriner Cash over with a war tank...

I need to start making notes about my life for a book! lmao

i'm gonna kiss this guy tommorow after school. i wouldn't say its cheating because it means nothing. plusi havent been kissed in forever.

im going to start doing lunges and squat so i can shrink my thighs. they're getting pretty huge.

mrs steale has us in the most craziest sitting arrangement you could ever imagaine...and i like it.

i guess getting pregnant as a teen is the new trend these days.

i need to party soon

i want to add "buy something from Dolce&Gabbana, Louis Vuitton, and Vera Wang" to my list of things i want and wanna do before i die.

god is blessing my ever still to be opening up and making new friends. its never too late

i dont think ill ever get jonathan out of my life... and i dont think i want to.

i have millions of pics n vids to upload

i have the TCAP writing exam and my math test in a few hours *shudder*

my dad is pissing me the fuck off. he took the internet off my phone because "i downloaded something for ten bucks." which i honestly didnt do. i dont even use the internet on my phone!! ugh... he wouldnt listen. surprised? fuck...

im thinking about modeling...

im becoming with obssesed with white boys that have buzz cuts. mmmm.

I need to find a guy who loves ME and not just wmy body...

so i have this new bf... we started dating last Sunday and so far, it sucks. he works all week (days) and i can hardly get to him, hes hardly ever around to talk to, he ALWAYS pics stupid shit to argue with me about, and honestly, i think he's kinda slow. or he just has a bad memory... on top of all that he always talks about sex with me. he's just like Jonathan. why do i always get the guys who only want to fuck? why cant i have someone i day dream about all the time? ugh...

the title is referenced to how great of a boyfriend i think Justin Bieber would be. ive listened to some of his music and seen some videos of him and i think hed be amazing.





/out

you suck.

... have been weird.

My mom is at that Lakeside clinic. I didn't even know she was to a point where she need professional help. she sounded fine to me... but that's what always gets ya. It's usually the ones that seem the happiest that are the most sad. i guess i fit into that category. speaking of which, i went to my guidance couselor and social worker woman for our school about my own problem. i told her im not social and she said that im just a butterfly that hasnt come outta my cacoon yet. i felt a little better talking to her. she gave me a "big sister" who is supposed to bring me outta my shell. i am praying to God that this works because i cant live much longer with all this saddness and stress on my shoulders from not having a lot of friends and being so upset because of that. i just want to be happy. i think i deserve a little happiness. it really feels like no one likes me because no one will just talk to me or give me a chance. i couldnt have come to this school at a more worse time because everyone has their little friend groups and they arent willing to bring anyone new it. this sucks. but i have to do something. i have never known saddness and lonliness until i came to this school. those white kids are unbelievavly horrid. all they talk about is sex, smoking and drinking. thats why i dont like that guy in my 5th period anymore. im not dealing with a drunk. if he was ever drunk and hit me, i would kill him. i REFUSE to ever be hit by a man and let it slide. if you hit me, i'm kicking your ass. all women should have a liscense to beat the living shit out of any man who hurts her. just saying. the black kids are no better. so yeah... only a couple more months at this school.

i think i can make it...

When i was walking home from school these dudes in this suv rolled down their window and screamed at me. i looked at them like lol wtf guys? my cousin told me that some idiots up there do that to people that walk home. my mom was on her way to get me, i just felt like walking rather than standing and waiting for her. people are soo weird.

my cousin came over at about around 7pm to get a container thing for her food project. she got the medium sized tuff a ware one that i swear i thought was grandmas. aunt y was in the kitchen and told her she couldnt use it because its hers and shes had it forever. wtf? its a fucking food container woman. i understand sentimental value more than anyone, but come on... a FOOD CONTAINER. shit...

i kinda miss jonathan. i wonder where he is... he never signs onto msn anymore and we havent talked since christmas... i hope hes ok.

ugh...i had these curls today right? guess what... they fell in less than an hour. probably because i didnt have any spray to hold them up. i snuck into my aunts room and used her curl hair holder junk. it worked lmao. my hair is completely straight. >:\ i wanted it curled! :'\

baa!

Loni-BAMF says:
helo
caseyraisis44@hotmail.com says:
hey
Loni-BAMF says:
how do we know each other?
caseyraisis44@hotmail.com says:
i'm 21/f your a male right?
Loni-BAMF says:
lol what the hell?
howd you get my email?
caseyraisis44@hotmail.com says:
nice, I just got off work and finally got some time to relax which site did i msg you from again?
Loni-BAMF says:
uhm goodbye

yeahh...wtf? wondering why i didnt cover up her email? she's on this cam site. im going to assume its one of the cam sites where sluts can show off their std riddled bodies. obviously she wants some attention...uh yeah. i aint giving it to her.

in addition to the wtfness, my lazy cousin thats been in and out of here lately asked me and max what we want for lunch and we agreed on mcdonalds. (this was yesterday) i wanted a double cheese burger. ive been craving that since saturday. max wanted a chicken sandwitch. she asked grandma what she wanted but she also asked grandma to give her money for all the food. i didn't know that, else i would have paid for my own lunch. i couldn't get max's too, im short on money. i need a job. so she went out and bought food her HERSELF. i mean, come on bitch. YOU HAVE A JOB. she could have easily gotten food for us to cater for her fat, freeloading ass coming over here all the damn time. i was also really sick over the weekend and its not wise to make me mad while im sick. i am merciless when im sick. im like, "wheres the stuff?" "what stuff?" "the mcdonalds..." "oh granny didnt have any money." "fuck you" *she walks off. yupp i said it. i said FUCK YOU right to her face. i told ya, i have no mercy when im sick. idk why that is with me. its always been that way. like the time me and my two cousins made these lil forts out of chair and blankets. one thought i said something mean about her mom and tried to choke me. at that time i was in my early stages of recovering from my asthma so i as sick all the time just about. she wouldnt stop so i took a saltine cracker box and wanged her over the head with it and then took her by her hair and rammed her head into the deep freezer. i was so mad. we didnt talk for like a day after that. lmao. just proving my point. dont fuck with me when im sick. ill hurt your feelings and not care. but back to that story from yesterday, i told my cousins about it. they agreed that that was fucked up so i made brownies and made sure she didnt get any. i took them up to my room and gave some to everyone else BUT her and my aunt. then me and my cousins went to PETCO and i got this huge comet goldfish. wtf was i thinking? but it was only a buck. and thats also its name lmao. BUCK! im getting a hamster next time =] lol i sure can rant... in other news, i just curled my hair! :D and i also broke my flat iron :\ Conair Ceramic Flatiron 2007-2010. lol holy crap.

Made a new friends =] he's a new kid from Raleigh Egypt. We have loads of new students coming from there. they seem pretty cool. he's the nicest guy ever! we're already texting and junk and his lockers right under mind. :D another friend of mine who's locker is next to mine thought he wasmy bf. lol noo. just friends. im still trying to get over my 5th period crush. i guess i misread his signs. he doesn't like me. so i'm letting go. but to be honest i have no idea if he does or not. im just guessing he doesn't. oh well. im pretty nice looking, ill get a boy. im sitting behind the only person at BHS that i dont really like. he's an ass to me and to no one else and thats no fair. i tried to talk to him and he ignored me on several dif. occasians. im not good at making friends so that really hurt me. i mean, im actually trying and for me to do that just blows. i asked the teacher if she could move me and she said shed figure something out. he purposely talks to everyone BUT me. whenever i have to sit close to him he will literally talk to EVERYONE around me. BUT NOT ME. what the hell? does he like me or something? i hope not because i dont like him. but anyways... yarr

Yeah... i can cry, i can be mad, i can be sad, i can throw tantrums, i can scream how it's not fair, but i'll always smile with the knowledge that this isn't forever and someday my sun will shine.

i totally just made that up. =] but yeah, ive had enough of wanting to not live anymore and i have most definetly had enough of screaming about how life isn't fair. it's just not and i have to live the best way i can. im far too blessed to complain as much as i do. the problem i have is not even a huge deal. it can all be turned around if i would just speak up. i dont out of the fear of being ignored, feeling as if i'm annoying someone, and getting talked about. i must shake that from my head and approach life and the people i have to be around for a while with my head held high and confidence shining through my eyes. i need to feel alive. i need a little sunshine. i need my dream to come true.

aside from that, im tryin to get over my crush. i want it to happen so badly but i dont see it. i dont want to like him anymore. i weep at the knowledge of how i can never get who i love. but someone's out there for me. im waiting for you to come into my sky. i wont ask god why i dont have any love. i have so much love. just not the one my eyes on. but i try to never whine about that. god gave us his SON, so for us to complain about not having any love is perposterous. i feel empty, but i can wait for my second half. =]

i want to cry right now. and i will. i realize that theres nothing wrong with that. crying is the bodys way of expelling stress. i need that. as well as pilates lol.

i am afraid. i am afraid to open up and make myself known. but i have to do it. when i become famous for living my dream as an actress and whatever else iwant to do, i'll be out there. so i better start now. im going to open up and talk. yes it's scary. i am terrified. i wish i could hold someones hand. but i have god's hand. he's all i need. i need to be brave. i want people to know me. love me. wanna have me around. thats not going to happen if i stay this way. yes im quiet and that i cannot, will not change. i like being quiet.

"maybe i will never be who i was before, maybe i dont even know her anymore. maybe who i am today aint so far from yesterday, can i find a way to be... every part of me..."
~Miley Cyrus (every part of me)

i need a little sunshine...

Ugh... school tomorrow. i have to go to my homeroom. Hopefully i don't have to get a schedule change. i mean, i don't think i was taking any semester classes, so hopefully i wont have to be worried with that. my cousin is going to start picking me up to go to school everyday. yessss!!! whenever she misses i'll have to be bothered with my aunt getting me there. mumuu.

my other cousin, who is like 20-something years old has been bugging me shitless lately. she's ALWAYS over here. eating my food, being unnescesarily loud, and bugging the fire out of me. im sorry, but yall know i dont like guests.

illegal U-turns ftw!

i'm saving up $30 to give to my grandma so i buy my plushiescake shirt from babycakes. hopefully they wont run out of smalls or run out all together. im still in the process of shrinking my shirt i just got from them. its going pretty good.

ive been thinking a lot about the venues i went to last year on the cruise. they rocked my world and i can wait to go on another cruise like that, or go to another venue. =]

ive been thinking non stop about my crush. =] one of these days im going to have to tell him how i feel because i have a feeling that 2010 is going to be one hell of a year. im an astrology freak and it said that saturn is leaving me alone so, this gigantic burden should be getting off my back. =] it also said that this month i should be ready for some loving ;D and in July. oh pleaseee let it be my crush or someone hottt. xD

omg and MyToyBox is following me on Twitter. :o

Went out yesterday night with my cousin and her friends. I was told that they just needed to return some shit in JC Pennys. Next this i know, we're in Aeropostale, Body Shop, New York Company, and i think that was about it trying to find a belated xmas present for one of my couins friends mom. TOOK FOR-FUCKING-EVER. Then theyre all hugging people they know and i feel beyond left out because i don't know anyone. i made the biggest mistake of my life moving out here. im all alone. then they all want to go to Apple Bee's. i tell my cousin to just drive me home. i appreciate my cousin letting me hang with her and HER friends but i want to hang out with MY friends for once. none of my close friends have a car i think. fml.

before we left to get her friends, she was told by her step father to check her gas level in her car. guess what? it's on E. wtf? she said she had a half of a tank on Saturday. wtf was he going with HER car anwyays? to fix it up? he could have atleast refilled the tank. then he gave her 5 bucks for gas. pshhhhh.

my cousin also sent some shit to my phone and i got charged for it. my dad told me i cant be downloading stuff and i agreed. she said file transfer was free. apparently not. he told me that this is my warning and that its my fault. ok fuck that. how in the fuck is it MY fault? i didnt even know she was sending shit like ringtones i guess to my phone. ihavent even had this phone for a mother fucking week and ALREADY im at a warning and it wasnt even MY fault. fuck. i dont even want it anymore.

Hope everyone had a rocking Christmas! I know i did! I got that Exclaim after all! Plus clothes, make up, and a case. =] My cousins and aunt S came over on Christmas eve and we all spent the night watching South Park, Iron Chef, and Family guy. hehehe xD. Aunt Y didn't even bother to say Merry Christmas, not that we care. No one got her gift except for aunt S who just gave her card. :P Me and my cousin went to see "The Princess and the Frog Friday night. Man that movie was good! Then the next day me, my two cousins, two of Amirah's friends and her bf went to the mall. I only had enough money for a jacket that was on sale in Forever 21 lol. i was this close to wasting it on some ugly light brown sweater that i didnt even need in Wet Seal. I'm like F21 more these days. I made random videos with my phone in the mall. Some girl in the mall randomly yelled, "STOP YELLING AT ME." lol wtf? i was looking around trying to see where that came from. Some girl tried to steal some lip gloss from Hollister. lmao. doesn't she know that place has those things that beep loudly when you're trying to steal something? lol come on... me and my cousin from Tampa got into a playful arguement about who was the purple TMNT. me of course! xD we did that at the counter in Hot Topic. a long time ago, i thought the name of that place was "Hot Toxic" lmao. just like i thought YouTube was "YourTube". we walked around that mall for hours. i was starving lol. we put on that tester make up in Sephora. i didn't like it lol. made me wish i had a talent for putting on make up. i just throw on some masscara, eye liner, and eye shadow. i dont need any foundation or blush and stuff. we ate at Ol Charlies. numnumnum. i ate the food i doggybagged as soon as we got home.

ALSO! i got my Babycakes shirt yesterday!!!! :D i was so surprised! it got here in a matter of two weeks! yes!!!!! i can order from them with no problem for now on out. i thought id have to wait a full 28 days lol. the shirt is HUGGGE. so im shrinking it in the dryer. i didnt want a skinny shirt, they arent comfortable to me. they even sent me a free sticker <33. im going to take a picture for their site someday. next "Plushiecakes."

More crap with my aunt.
My cousin told me today that she heard my aunt Y and aunt S talking about me some time ago. I don't know what they were talking about that led up to aunt S asking aunt y if she even cared if i fisnished high school, but that bitch saod, "idont give a fuck what she does or if she finishs high school." ok... wtf? i really dont care, but thats a pretty fucked up thing to say. she's just so... lonely, and miserable, and pathetic. the only thing she has going on in her life is bowling, work, and talking shit about 16 year old. she pretty much has no life whatsoever. who the hell wastes all their time talking shit about a 16 year old? wth? thats so... sad. the only thing that keeps me from hoping on her case and bringing her down with all i got is the knowledge that she is a sad, lonely, piece of shit and a waste of human space. she's also a slut. i never blogged about how she used to sleep with her boss who she KNEW was married. thats why that boss of hers got a younger woman who was actually even REMOTLY attractive. and she has the nerve to call my cousin a tramp. lol please. the boss put the younger woman over her at the job. lmao! thats what you get. slut. she ended up quitting that job too. lmao. i dont even see why that guy was having sex with HER. she's fucking ugly as fuck. i really hate to call people ugly, BUT SHE IS. she looks like Oprah Winfry only with one inch of hair, fat, taller, and larger than life bags under her eyes. he must have been desperate... still...ew. >.< to think i actually used to like her. yuck. its hard to believe that anyone likes her. if you like that woman, you dont know her AT ALL. because if you did, youd know that there is NOTHING and i mean literally NOTHING about her to like. i quit saying i hate her. i dont hate anyone. but i dont like her and we'll never be kool again. NEVER.

my aunt S took me shopping today to buy some last minute xmas gifts. =] she also got me a snickers bar to cater for the one she was supposed to have given to me a long time ago, but had eaten it. xD shes my most favorite aunt ever.

guess who told me that they love me and they dont care if i dont because either way they will?

=]

Oh how i dream of owning my own treadmill. <33 i'd wear myself out with it, but it would make losing weight a breeze! :D i'm starting Track & Field next semester and the coach told me that i should do some running until then. Yessir! i love running! i dont know why... hmmi would also like to have a jogging outfit. =] so i run up and down the neighborhood. i hate looking at my pertruding belly >.< so theres nothing i can do but get off my ass and move it, move it...

i need chocolate.
*faints

133 pounds.
16 years old.
overweight? just a little bit...

reh. i want/need to lose about 10 pounds. my target weight is 120-125 pounds. i went to this totally lame website and it told me i should weight 115-120 pounds... yeah... NOT going to happen unless i get really sick. i remember when i was in my early stages have asthma. i lost so much weight. :\ its NOT a good thing. i was 6 and about 10-20 pounds under the normal weight i should have been. that hospital food fattened me right on up lol. it will kidna easy to lose weight now. theres like, NO food to eat here. blah. i wish i was still in tkd. :\ i really resent my aunt for taking me out. as i told you, i think, she took me out because she said i got an attitude with her and i wasnt allowed to go to the tournament in July. i got my mom to pay for the tournament, because shes the greatest mom ever, and Ms. Williams agreed to take me and some others up there. so exciting! so i asked her for the tkd ctf card because i needed the number on there to put on the slip i had to give to the judges. and ya. she was like "so you got your mom to take you over there and pay for the tournament? so i guess she can also pay for you going there for now on." "you're being defiant against me." she knows damn well that if she hadnt have turned into a mega bitch over the summer she wouldnt have cared and would haave still been taking me. she wanted to brainwash me into being her daughter soo badly but she failed. she didnt want my mom to have anything to do with me and vice versa. she even told my mom, "you love her too much." what the actual fuck? shes my MOM. shes supposed to right?! i guess ill just have to do the patterns ive learned, plus my own exercises EVERY NIGHT. crampy nights dont count! losing 10 pounds is more a personal choice for me then anything. :P

I passed Algebra for the semester! For no other reason than God's blessings! I don't think the semester exam will count against me, but if it does, i hope i did pretty good. =] and i can just make a high grade next semester! whoooo!!

Ive had 3 slices of pizza today *jiggles*

.:.:P.L.A.N.S:.:.
Dec/17- 4th, 5th, and 6th semester exams, get xmas shirt for Gerron, party. =]
Dec/18- 1st, 2nd, and 3rd semester exams, leave school at 10:00am, xmas shopping with mom.
Dec/19- wrap xmas gifts, partypartyparty, prepare for next semester.
Dec/20- church (maybe)
Dec/21- decorate house, room, wrap more gifts most likely

make plans with me? :D
lol as you can see, my life is NOT as eventful as it will be in the future. lol.

packets due tommorow.
come on loni...

i got like, basically molested in the lunch line today. by this big white dude. his friends were like, "aww look at whatever-his-name-is tryin to talk to a black girl." e.e so he took the back off his hand and swiped it across my right bum cheek. wtf! and he was all up on me in the line and i was like, "omg get the fuck off of me." i think he heard me because he backed up some...

i hate bein early to lunch xD

My dad won't buy me the shirt because the grand total will be $30
COME ON!
He emailed me and told me to call him
i wont.

and i just got back in touch with Katie.
she said she had talked to David lately.
he made a new msn and like... didn't even tell ME.
i was his friend WAY before she was.
i dont know why this upsets me...
whatever
i dont want to talk to him.